Driving to work today, I was thinking about my “to do “ lists, I have three. A list for each of my two jobs and one for myself. The “to do” lists for work change as tasks are completed, but the one for myself seems to grow endlessly (as the time I have for myself shrinks). My life is built around taking care of other people.

Several years ago, a friend suggested I stop moving from job to job and find a career. At the time, I heard his advice as prompting to become more ambitious, but today I realized there really is a difference between working a job and choosing a career.

Working a job is always about other people’s stuff: other people’s ideas, other people’s dreams, other people’s methods. In each of my two jobs, I show up at work and follow other people’s instructions fulfilling plans laid out by others for others. I get paid to do anything my employers ask of me. That is the job.

A career would still be work, of course, but it would be work that I chose. Whether trained for certain skills, or self-taught, people who have careers identify with their work. They are invested in it, not just for the money, but because they made the choice to be in a certain field. The big benefit in owning that choice is that it changes your perspective from one of working for someone else to working for yourself (even if it is within the context of someone else’s company). Building a career includes following a path to achieve the dream you select for yourself, but first you have to identify what you want.

When I was young, I wanted to be the weather man. But in the 70s, the meteorologists were all weather MEN, no women. I didn’t believe reporting the weather was something I’d ever be allowed to do. Also, I had always gravitated towards doing things for others. Even in sports I played defense-more comfortable addressing what came at me rather than chasing after the goal. My position on the defensive/support side continued into adulthood as I ended up in administrative assistant and customer service positions instead of trailblazer roles (like becoming the first female meteorologist on TV).

Curiously, the most memorable moments in my high school sports career occurred when I found myself way out of position across half field scoring a goal. What a thrill! Looking back now, I can see my mistake. I should have chased that thrill. I should have played more attack. I should have reoriented myself to go after my personal goals rather than always focusing on the dreams of others. But do we become so ingrained in our ways that it becomes impossible to change? Am I an old dog unable to learn new tricks?

Maybe I just need a reminder of how it feels to score a goal. In one of my current jobs, I function as a personal assistant to a pair of life coaches. Interestingly, the choice each made to become a life coach came about as part of post divorce middle aged life changes. They definitely practice what they preach, and the first thing a good life coach always suggests is to write down goals. The follow up involves figuring out how to achieve those goals. As a team, all of the employees on their team get together annually to set company goals. We then check in periodically to update the progress being made towards achieving those goals. Through their teaching and inspiration, I realize this old dog may still be able to learn a few new tricks. It’s not too late to switch from defense to offense or from a job to a career.

When I was 14, my  first boyfriend gave me a pink plastic ring. I still have it. Women love jewelry. A ring, a necklace, a bracelet, or earrings, it doesn’t have to be big and sparkly (thought that is nice), and it doesn’t have to be expensive, but when you want us to know you mean it, give jewelry.

Once I received a knife as a gift. That fancy German carving knife may have doubled as a crystal ball because it told my  future, though I couldn’t decipher the message at the time. He selected the knife because it liked it. He wanted it. Very little in our relationship, (as I came to realize later) was about me, and if I had admitted that to myself at the time, I wouldn’t have been so surprised when he stabbed me in the heart a few month later. 

A word of caution: Jewelry is not meant for peacemaking. If you messed up, don’t link that mistake to a permanent object. She may say she forgives and forgets, but with a sparkler always there to remind her of the bad stuff, you may one day need to duck as it flies at your head. Flowers say I’m sorry just as well, and when they die, they end up in the trash along with the negative memory.

Jewelry is for celebration and for deep heartfelt emotions (think engagement ring/wedding band). Jewelry is personal and intimate. We wear it against our skin, and each piece offers the opportunity to tell a story. Then, both the story and the sparkle can be passed on. Our jewelry will be part of the legacy left behind after we have gone.

When you want us to know you mean it, and you want the memory, the emotion, and the sentiment to last, give jewelry.