I just got my first iphone. Late to the party, I know. When I emailed my friends with the phone number, one sent back a quick note, “it will change you life.” If I believed that, I would have gotten one years ago. Only two things qualify as potential life changers for me:

1) winning the powerball jackpot or 2) meeting the right guy. Can the iphone help with either of those things? (Mention online dating, and I flush this thing down the toilet).

Honestly, I hate talking on the phone. I’m fine face to face, but on the phone, I’m hopelessly boring. No, really, I’ve been told this before. The problem is that I cannot think of a single thing to say. It’s like a pop quiz. Even if I did the reading, the pressure of the moment makes my mind go blank. When I have to make a call, I write a script to remember why I dialed in the first place. I do this even when calling my family.

So, why did I get an iphone? Actually, I didn’t. My boss gave me his “old” 64GB iphone 4s with the understanding that I would use it. Pretty nice hand me down, but because I’m a contract employee, I foot the monthly bill for minutes, and since I knew I wouldn’t be gabbing away on it anytime soon, I let the thing collect dust. After three weeks, my boss asked about it. That’s when I got the new SIM card. Ten days later he asked again, and now I burn $50 per month while the iphone bumps around the bottom of my purse.

I’ve been testing ways to bond with it. I enjoy the compass feature (for about 90 seconds after I’ve calibrated my location). I considered creating a reminder to call and check in with friends and family once a month, but why set myself up for such predictable failure? Instead, I have resolved to develop a relationship with my iphone through apps hoping that some gizmo I download will meld my standoffishness into dependency, but after hearing all the hype over how great apps are, I’m disappointed to find that most are useless. Why would I need a shopping app? I’m too uncoordinated for games. “To Do” list organizers are BORING, and calorie counters? Depressing.

After Googling “best” apps, here are the ones I’ve chosen:

*Facebook: Duh.

*Flashlight: huge points or being massively practical, but haven’t used it yet

*Bring Fido: the pet friendly info would be more helpful if it wasn’t so outdated

*Kindle: not loving reading on a really tiny screen

*Embark: for navigating NYC. To help me ft in with the zombie tourist mob.

*WordPress: Things are looking up! This pocket sized personal computer disguised as a telephone might be useful after all 🙂